Should I stay or should I go?

Darling you gotta let me know...Should I stay or should I go?

It is really funny what pops into a persons head. For example: The Clash. As I was sitting and thinking about whether or not I should stay in Haiti, or if I am being called into long term mission, that is the song that crossed my mind. The rest of song doesn't really go along with my train of thought, but I couldn't remember anything but the first line anyway.

I have been struggling with whether or not I am supposed to make a real commitment to Haiti. People ask me if I was given the opportunity would I stay here forever? Would I drop everything and move here full time? My answer- every time- has been "Hands-down! Just tell me where I am going!"

...That should mean something, right? 

I never honestly thought of myself as a missionary. People have called me that before and I have brushed it off and laughed. Me? Missionary? When someone uses that term I think of 100 years ago when people had to travel by boat or canoe and get left deep in the jungle. No telephone, for sure no iPad. Almost no contact with back home. Sometimes even left with cannibals! That is not me, I am a privileged white Canadian girl with my car and cell phone and my 'average' life. So missionary? No. I just love people, the Haitian people, and want to do something to help them. A lot of the time I feel completely in over my head and useless. Yes I am helping, but there is so much more than could be done! I can't even imagine where to start. 

But then I think, I have already started. I may not be able to feed every starving child, rescue every Restavik, or get rid of the all the turmoil. But I can do something. And something is always better than nothing. If everyone simply tried to help each other, or take care of the poor, the needy, the widows, wouldn't the world be a better place? 

I have already decided to extend my time on this trip. I may not have the funds or know what is going to happen, or where I will stay...but I trust God will provide. I already know I am going to be supported by all of you by your thoughts, prayers, and donations, and I am so thankful for that. 

Now, the question of the hour, that has been on my heart for the past few days.

Is God calling me to move to Haiti full time? 
And if he is what will I do? 
Where will I go? 
And is he calling me to make this decision now...or in the future? 

I would greatly appreciate all of your thoughts on this, as I already know it will be in your prayers.

Love love 

"so that the Levites and the aliens, the fatherless and the widows who live in your towns may come and eat and be satisfied, and so that the LORD your God may bless you in all the work of your hands."
                                    Deuteronomy 14:29