I'm Home now- or am I?
Everytime I leave Haiti it is such a struggle. A struggle to adjust to the bright and shiny land of the plenty. The Miami airport always blows me away. How clean it is, how busy it is, escalators so you don't have to take the stairs, coffee is $5 American! I walked into a mall for the first time and stood in awe. I listen to people talking and I think their conversations are shallow. I don't want to spend time with people or hear about their 'small' problems, don't want to spend money, don't want to go out. When I eat I feel like im gourging myself and think about how many kids could be fed with my leftovers. I was at a concert in a park, surrounded by white, and found myself uncomfortable and looking for a familiar face.
But, I know in time, I will adjust to it all... $5 coffee's won't shock me, and the latest gossip will probably interest me. I never forget Haiti, I never stop longing to be there, I just no longer will be stunned at the 'everyday living' here.
At the same time though, adjustment is brutal. I can cry at the drop of a hat- so to speak, when someone tells me about their new $100 jeans. I have a hard time carrying on conversations with my friends and tend to seperate myself. If someone handed me a ticket back to Haiti and told me I had to leave today, this hour, I would go. So what do I do? Do I adjust to the 'American' lifestyle, and slowly forget? Or do I hang onto Haiti with everything I can...knowing it will make me not truly satisfied with life here?
It's an ongoing struggle but, frankly, I don't have the answer... I don't think anyone does. Other to be thankful for everything I have here - a million times over, and to pray for everyone there- Until of course, I can go back again.
And, if I do slowly start to forget and fade into the norm, well. I hope there is someone to snap me out of it.
Lovelove
