Remembering Ayiti

I'm Home now- or am I?

Everytime I leave Haiti it is such a struggle. A struggle to adjust to the bright and shiny land of the plenty. The Miami airport always blows me away. How clean it is, how busy it is, escalators so you don't have to take the stairs, coffee is $5 American! I walked into a mall for the first time and stood in awe. I listen to people talking and I think their conversations are shallow. I don't want to spend time with people or hear about their 'small' problems, don't want to spend money, don't want to go out. When I eat I feel like im gourging myself and think about how many kids could be fed with my leftovers. I was at a concert in a park, surrounded by white, and found myself uncomfortable and looking for a familiar face.

But, I know in time, I will adjust to it all... $5 coffee's won't shock me, and the latest gossip will probably interest me. I never forget Haiti, I never stop longing to be there, I just no longer will be stunned at the 'everyday living' here.

At the same time though, adjustment is brutal. I can cry at the drop of a hat- so to speak, when someone tells me about their new $100 jeans.  I have a hard time carrying on conversations with my friends and tend to seperate myself. If someone handed me a ticket back to Haiti and told me I had to leave today, this hour, I would go. So what do I do? Do I adjust to the 'American' lifestyle, and slowly forget? Or do I hang onto Haiti with everything I can...knowing it will make me not truly satisfied with life here?

It's an ongoing struggle but, frankly, I don't have the answer... I don't think anyone does. Other to be thankful for everything I have here - a million times over, and to pray for everyone there- Until of course, I can go back again.

And, if I do slowly start to forget and fade into the norm, well. I hope there is someone to snap me out of it.

Lovelove

To Hope

If you look up the word Hope this is the definition you'll get:

hope  (hp)
v. hoped, hop·ing, hopes

1. To wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment.
2. Archaic To have confidence; trust

In Haiti the word (verb) is Espere. To hope. 

Romans 5:5 

"...and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us."

That is what God has given to me this Haiti trip. Hope. Hope in him, Hope in myself, Hope in the future and Hope for Haiti.

I was sitting in church in Port A Prince, It was communion Sunday which I haven't been to in months, even at home in Canada. Jon had touched on the usual communion pre-thoughts. To make sure you are right with God, if you needed to confess anything or make a change, but he put it differently. Or a heard it differently. He also gave us an extended time to meditate before taking part. So I was sitting there. Praying, meditating, seeking for something or for God to give me something. Anything. I was in such deep meditation that Anna, who was sitting beside me, thought I had fallen asleep. Then God gave it to me. A vision, and a word. In my mind and I saw it...

Hope.

Scribbled on a piece of lined paper as if a teenage girl had written it. I didn't know what it was doing there and almost brushed it off at first. But for some reason (obviously God) I held onto it. Thought about it, and wondered why that vision had come into my mind. 

I took communion and as I sat there pondering Jon announced that Troy Livesay would be speaking at church today. Troy stood up, "Today, I am going to talk about Hope." he announced.




...and that is what I will hold on to, Hope.

Not for the weak of Heart

Life vs Death, and the reality of it.

I have always been shocked at stories I hear about death in Haiti, and the lack of it I have experienced first hand. It's not that death shocks me anymore, or that it is uncommon, but the lack of dignity in it. The bitterness of it tends to linger on. 

I spoke to my brother on the phone last night. He lived in Haiti last year for 3 months so he 'gets it'. Where as other people don't. I asked him what he did when he saw and had to deal with disturbing things I asked him what he said to people and his answer was simply - "You don't." You don't share moments like that with your friends or family, people won't get it. So I shared with him.

On our drive from Cazele to Port we passed a dead body on the road. A first I thought it was roadkill, an animal. Even after it took me a minute to realize it was a human being, a person like you and me. His body was positioned so strangely that my mind didn't recognize it. Then in a second, we had passed and it was out of site. I don't know if he had been killed and his body discarded onto the road- or if he had been hit by a vehicle that continued on, leaving him for dead. The thing was though, I didn't feel anything. I didn't feel the need to cry or cover my eyes or call my Mum or talk about it. It didn't upset me, seeing the body, and knowing what I was seeing. I thought about how the police weren't there yet, or if the UN would get involved. Then wondered why those were my first thoughts. 

Next I thought about his family. I wondered if he had one, and that he was the male, and probably the sole provider for them. I wondered if he had kids. I wondered how his parents would handle the news. I wondered if he had been missing or had been involved with gangs and this would not shock anyone. These are the thoughts that saddened me. That's when I realized all I could do was to pray. I could pray for the people involved with his death, if he had been hit by a car or killed it would haunt them as well. I could pray for those he provided for. I could pray for his soul and that he had known Jesus before he died. 

Looking back now I think that was why I was not emotional towards the situation- tragedy though it was. I could do nothing about it. Why cry about something I cannot change? Instead I could pray and hope for the best outcome. It does not make me a twisted person, it does not make me heartless or numb. I do not know yet if I will share this posting, or how receptive you will all be towards it. But if I do, my hope is you can simply comprehend it.

Haitian Women

Haitian women amaze me.

That sentence could end my blog post right then and there.

But seriously now, they AMAZE. ME. Haitian women have got to be some the strongest, toughest, most hard working women in the world. Last week I mentioned in my post about a motorcycle accident that sent four patients our way. Two women- Two men. Now, all of them were in shock, and had painful injuries, so by no means am I taking away from that. We gave all of them painkillers, but it struck me when the one women- who’s injuries where the most extensive-was tougher than both the men. They all cried and hurt when they had their skin sewn back together and wounds cleaned, but for the amount of injuries she had compared to them, she held it together the most.

The first week I was in Haiti I was with a team doing medical clinics. At one of the clinic there was a woman with a healing burn on her leg. Now bugs and dirt and flies had gotten into the wound. It was obviously infected and had to be cleaned out and wrapped. She was in serious pain as we did this, understandably. Later that day lunch had been prepared and Michael, the doctor who had treated, and I were outside and were shocked to see this woman, who had limped out of the room, with her bandaged leg standing at the fire preparing lunch for us. Talk about tough.

So, because of these happenings, and many more I have come to this conclusion. Haitian women are tough like nails, but they have to be. God has given them their strength because he must have known they would need it. The things they go through day in and day out I do not know if I could do. I sure couldn’t on my own strength.

 Haitian women are also beautiful. They don’t use anti-aging creams or sunscreen and it’s rare that I see them with makeup on. They are naturally beautiful. Their skin, though sometimes worn and weathered, tells a story. If you look at them, truly looking at each one individually, you may catch a glimpse of their story. 

And if you’re lucky enough catch it, hold onto it, and don’t forget it.

My Skewed Perspective

I find sometimes when I am in Haiti my perspective of ‘reality’ tends to get skewed. Maybe it’s my perspective of what my reality is now. Or possibly what my past reality was.  I didn’t realize it until I spoke to my Mom on the phone today. I had worked the night shift last night at the Cholera House, and this is how our conversation went:

Mum: “How was the Cholera House? You must have been so busy!”

Me: “It was good. Not really busy actually… We only had 50-something people and 5 new admits”

pause

Mum: “Elizabeth…”

Me now realizing what I had just said.

The truth is 50 patients is a lot of people. Just because numbers are down, which is a very good thing, does not make it less of a deal.

Second Example:

Shay and I sitting on the couch after supper, watching an episode of Friends on Ali’s laptop.

Me: “I love friends.”

Shay: “We are sitting on a couch, watching Friends, in Haiti. “

Me: “I know- weird.”

It was so weird to actually think about the concept of doing these seemingly normal activities at home, while in Haiti. Who watches friends in Haiti?

Example Three:

Sitting in Licia and Lori’s office trying to check my email on slow internet, even for Haiti, as a rat climbs out if a hole in the wall-runs to the box of food- tries to get inside. Me being aware of the rat and not thinking it’s a big deal. It still doesn’t faze me when his rat friend joins him. I only respond when the rat starts onto Lori’s desk, so that she isn’t caught off guard.

Why is it weird to me when someone has AC in a vehicle- and I have to turn it off because I am too cold. Or when putting toilet paper IN the toilet is a big deal.  We went out for lunch after church on Sunday and in the washroom they had hot water. Hot water from the Tap. There is no hot water here, unless you boil it in the kettle. This actually shocked me so much that I yanked my hands back out from the water and stared at it for a second, then turned on the cold. Now, I like my hot showers and hot water as much as anyone but I do not think I have had hot water come out of the tap since I left home. As I am sitting here typing I am actually trying to remember my last usage of hot water, and can’t.

I can think of so many more examples, but it would take all day to list them. The question is: “When did this become a reality?” And, as I type out that question I am struck with the answer- “It always was, you just didn’t realize.”

Real Hope for Haiti Update- Week One (and a half)

Real Hope for Haiti is located in Cazele. Everyone asks where that is so I say about an hour from PAP, the opposite direction from Jacmel,along the coast (ish). I am very directionally challenged so that is as good as it will get. It is very, very hot. To quote the Wicked Witch: "I'm melting!"

Real Hope is a very cool ORG and I love it here. I met Zach 2 weekends ago at a gas station by the airport to come here. Zach is hilarious and gets his kicks out of telling stories or things to freak out the new volunteers. Before I had even spoken with him Lori apologized for him and told me they only let him drive. We went to bring Lori some supplies to the Doctors without Boarders France, where she was staying with her husband who'd been in a Moto accident. On the way there Zach told me how he had been stopped by 3 guys earlier that week on the "Death Road" and held at gunpoint. After Doctors without Boarders we picked up Lori's Mother-in-law and I sat in the back. Then we proceeded to take that road- with instructions for me "If I bang on the window that means there's trouble and you need to lay down, but I will just drive really fast!" And so he did. Their link is posted on the right. 

There was a group here when I arrived, as well as 2 other more long term volunteers. One was actually from Alberta Canada! The other, Carly is still here. We helped the group out with some seemingly simple, but never the less important, such s counting pills and pulling gloves. I also spent quite a bit of my time with Alex. (Who has improved a lot already to say the least). He is also a main reason my blog has not yet been posted! Ha.

On Friday I went and stayed at Heartline and met up with Michelle! Who is finally in Haiti! I was so excited to see her, and so glad that her trip worked out that we could be here at the same time. I got sick Friday night and Saturday which cancelled my plans for Lamentine, but I will get down there soon! I am also going to be meeting up with her in about 2 weeks time and heading back up to Seguin with her group to run a VBS. It will be great fun!

On Monday there was a serious Moto accident on our road and 4 victims showed up just after lunch. All were injured. Two of the four had abraisions and lacerations on there faces, and gashes on there eyes. Honestly the gravel tore up some of the wounds so badly that it looked like the flesh had been through a meat grinder. The only way we could tell where to give one women stitches was becuase she still had her lower lashes. The drivers knee was tore up right down to the knee-cap, he was only 17. A very lucky 19y/o girl was 3 months pregnant and only had some scraped and bruising on one of her sides. Licia had to call in some of her night staff to come and help. They all got cleaned up, stitched up, splinted and sent home for the night to come back Tuesday and get checked on. We told them all once they could travel to go to a hospital in Port for X-rays. By the time it was all done it was after 6p.m.

Also, guess who showed up here yesterday? Any guesses? Anna! I was looking forward to the fact that we are actually in Haiti, at the same place, in the same time!  We met at GLA 4 years ago and when it was my (and her) first trip to Haiti! We managed to stay in contact via Facebook since then! How cool is that? 

Today was spent at the Cholera House. Changing IV bags, and when finished that putting down vinyl flooring with Gorilla tape into 2 of the rooms. Real hope is just temporarily using someone's vacation home until January as the Cholera house- so it has to be kept in tip-top shape. I think we are going to finish off the other rooms this week.

So Once again, sorry for my delayed blog updates- As you can tell I have been busy and have my hands full. Literally!

Lovelove

Alex- in Cazele

First off I want to say sorry for being so behind on my blog updates! But here is another new one for you:

Alex


Right now I'm in Cazele at Real Hope For Haiti. Here they have over 120 Haitian staff so I am support doing little jobs, but I also have a project- a baby named Alex He is 2 years old but if you didn't know you would think he was 6 months. He is extremely malnourished and neglected. He gas only been at Real Hope for around 2 weeks. He has scabies and recently developed thrush. Another awesome volunteer was looking after him before I came and I took over when she left. I will be here for another 1-2 weeks so hopefully he will out on some weight and improve while I am here. I think he is already improving a little, he has started throwing small tantrums and crying when he doesn't get what he wants. How is this a good thing? Well I think it shows he's getting stronger. He also has the biggest smile when he is happy, when you say his name or go to pick him up it spreads across his entire face. 

Alex also has been sleeping with me for part of the night when he is restless. This has caused me to get scabies, and less sleep than I'd normally like- but it's totally worth it. I know he needs that love and touch. I have gotten him to start eating more, and have been getting some Medika Mamba into him (Peanut butter with extra nutrients to help him out on weight and grow) sometimes it's a battle, and feeding him usually take ps a good part of an hour anyway. Usually with one, or both of us covered in food.

Alex is an amazing little boy and I am so blessed to have him in my life for this short period of time, to just love on him and fill him up while I am here. I know God is using him to change me too, I just don't know how yet. My prayer for Alex is that he will grow strong and smart, that he will know he is loved and cared for. I know some of you will be praying for him too. I know I will continue to see changes in him, and I am excited to update you all on him, even in just a short week.

Lovelove